Et ord til den kloge er unødvendigt - det er de dumme, der behøver råd.
Gråt hår er Guds graffiti.
Lad os nu fremsætte en af de grundlæggende sandheder om ægteskabet: hustruen bestemmer.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
I wasn't always black... There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.
The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
The truth is that parents are not really interrested in justice. They just want quiet.
When you become senile, you won't know it.